Have you ever been so utterly… sad?
Gosh, that word “sad” doesn’t even describe what I’m trying to say…
Have you ever been so utterly… depressed, down, miserable, alone, helpless, hopeless, upset, distraught… that you’ve sat at the bottom of the shower/on the kitchen floor/face down on the bed/in the car/on a friends shoulder and sobbed your heart out?
And it’s awful.
It’s an indescribable feeling wrenching your heart out through your tear ducts.
Many mums, I would even argue, most mums, have been in this situation.
For some it happens when they have one child, others two, three or four +. My point is, it will likely happen at some time in a parenting journey.
You wrack your brain with an endless internal monologue of crap that goes something like this:
“I shouldn’t have yelled. I shouldn’t let them have so much tv time. I should cook healthier foods. I should be a better mum. I should be more in control of my emotions. I failed. I f*cked up. I’m hopeless as a mother. I’m pretty shit as a wife as well… in fact, there’s not so much I’m really that good at….” and on and on it goes.
At the time you feel completely helpless, and you can’t get perspective of your life, you can’t see the forest for the trees.
But there is a way out, and you are a strong, intelligent and insightful woman who is able to find a compass in the haze of tears.
You see, what you don’t realise yet is, you have everything you need, inside of you!
Let me repeat it in capitals in case you couldn’t read it, YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED, INSIDE OF YOU!
My friend told me this, really told me, and you know what, I believe her.
And you should believe me.
Every body’s interpretation of it is different, but for me, this is how I interpreted it:
- You (I) have enough things in your (my) life, you don’t need anything else.
- You don’t need to take love from others, you already have enough love for yourself and others, within you!
- You don’t need affection from others, you already have enough affection for yourself and others, within you!
- You don’t need to feel envious of what others have, you have everything you need, within your life!
- You don’t need jealousy and anger in your life.
- You don’t need other people’s attention, other people’s acceptance, or other people’s praise.
Sure, some of these things I want – I want love, affection and friendship as they help me connect with others, but I already connect with others without these things too, they’re more like a cherry on top!
It is an interesting perspective and since I’ve taken it on as my own, I feel liberated and content.
I feel like I have everything in my life that I need. I have no ‘desires’, so to speak, to seek things from others.
I feel that all the noise has gone and I have time and energy to focus on giving to others, as this is my real purpose that within the fog of hopelessness, I had forgotten that I am good at.
This purpose is why I genuinely want to help others, which is why I continue this blog, why I’ve launched my course about raising resilient children, why I still connect with people within the support groups I run online, and why I make more effort with connecting, supporting and empowering others.
I’ve brushed the dust of tears from my eyes, dragged my sorry backside off the cold tiles, and haven’t looked back.
This is me, and I have everything I need.
And so do you.
If you’re reading this, and it all sounds familiar, contact me, at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com
I’m also writing at www.howtotalktoyourchild.com and am on Facebook (twice!)